Episode 68: Iku

KamesanIII: so, Elfenlied: incest, adolescent rape, and terrible dismemberment
KamesanIII: no wonder dan kim likes it (((www.manga.clone-army.org)))
Sonic the Shadow: yeah dude
Sonic the Shadow: the japanese are perverted as fuck by our standards
Sonic the Shadow: that is just a fact of life
Sonic the Shadow: Yes they love incest
Sonic the Shadow: and child porn
Sonic the Shadow: and rape
Sonic the Shadow: and snuff
KamesanIII: how does dan kim
KamesanIII: put up a valentine picture
KamesanIII: for some girl
KamesanIII: when he has a CHILD PORN SECTION ON HIS SITE
KamesanIII: or rather, had
Sonic the Shadow: That is what I said dude
Sonic the Shadow: Maybe she likes child porn
KamesanIII: two peas in a fucking pod then
KamesanIII: a sick, twisted pod
Sonic the Shadow: no kidding
Sonic the Shadow: well
Sonic the Shadow: erm
Sonic the Shadow: yeah who knows
Sonic the Shadow: i mean dude
Sonic the Shadow: she has to like it
Sonic the Shadow: otherwise
Sonic the Shadow: he couldn't put it in his fuckin comic
KamesanIII: true
KamesanIII: but i mean, that's comedic incest.
Sonic the Shadow: ..
KamesanIII: if such a term exists.
KamesanIII: >_>
KamesanIII: he had an actual child hentai section though
KamesanIII: a part of the forum dedicated to that
Sonic the Shadow: of course
Sonic the Shadow: he is that kind of guy
KamesanIII: that's just direct
KamesanIII: no jokes in there
Sonic the Shadow: yeah
Sonic the Shadow: and people like his honesty
Sonic the Shadow: people have fettishes
Sonic the Shadow: most of which they do not want to talk about
Sonic the Shadow: some of which are illegal
KamesanIII: yeah? well i'm of the opinion that some people should die.

I'm able to enjoy many things Japanese. I like their video games, I like their cartoons, I like their women, hell, I even listen to some of their music. But during the course of my exposure to this unique culture, several things have become readily apparent.

For one, the Japanese are batshit motherfucking crazy. Don't believe me? Watch this, right now. http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/eggsong

If you haven't seen that yet, then I'm going to spoil something for you here: at the end, a talking egg somehow grows a nipple and a baby starts sucking it. I'm not sure how many levels of wrong have just been passed. Conceivably five. Either way, I've watched that animation at least twelve times. Don't ask me why. It's strange and alluring and deceptive and evil and it just possesses that sort of disgusting power, much like the Japanese. Alright well, technically speaking that cartoon is Korean. But let's be real: Korea is just an amalgam of various Japanese byproducts, much like "spam" is an amalgam of various meat byproducts. This is a perfect example however, of what happens to a country when it's horribly violated by the Land of the Rising Sun. Soon, that will be our country. Because slowly, subtly, we are being counter-invaded by Japanese culture. Call it karma. But I can only see death and chaos in our futures. This is all coming from a guy who's AIM name is "Kamesan," I know. Kill me, please.

Something you can count on about weird people though, is that they'll be even weirder in bed. Unsurprisingly, this is true of the Japanese people. Horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly true.

See, something people need to realize is that when you're too strict about certain things and create too many taboos, people find ways around. Fucked up ways. Simply put, you start putting lids on everything? Shit is going to come out sideways. And for a long time in Japan, sex had the big lid on it. In fact it still does. As you probably know, currently in Japan, you can't show pubic hair in pornography. I'm really not sure why. Maybe Japanese men just have tiny penises, and that's what they're really trying to censor; I don't know, I'm not a doctor. And I'm also really not sure why they can outlaw that but I can walk into a shop there and buy a comic featuring what looks like a 9 year old girl being brutally raped by a giant dog, or perhaps by an alien with thirty tentacles. Confusing.

But anyway if you don't believe me, just look at this. You just know they made that shit into a gameshow or something... hell, don't get me started on the gameshows. That's a whole 'nother rant.

It really makes me curious though. What the fuck did these perverts do before that kind of entertainment was invented? Fuck squids? It boggles my mind. Seriously, these guys make the Germans look like fucking nuns. People have told me about movies where one girl *throws up* into another girl's mouth, and you just know then that somewhere, some guy in Yokohama is rubbing one off to that. How do you sleep at night, knowing that? And so this is why I have no faith in the world. Because I'm forced to read about cannibals and terrorists and serial killers in the news and now these people, these fucked up people and they *all* exist, they could be your fucking next-door neighbors and you might never know. How much would you sell for, how much would you demand, to let someone shit all over you? A hundred dollars? A thousand? Ten thousand? How about in your mouth? A million? More? Never?

Well, some people do it for free. Because they love it. And that, folks, is why you don't talk to strangers.

A few years ago, I saw The Ring in theatres with Tyler and Adam. We were reduced into simpering pussies for the better part of 2 hours; possibly the scariest time I've ever had watching a movie. A few weeks later, I was tricked into seeing the infamous "Tubgirl." To this day I am still recovering from the mental damage that was inflicted upon me. Every day, thousands of others are forced to see this abomination. It's like The Ring, taken into real life. One day, the Evil will reach you without warning... and you will be compelled to spread it. To lessen the pain. And I submit that only the Japanese could create an image so utterly vile and obscene that it could do what Tubgirl has done to thousands upon thousands. As the saying goes, there simply are some things you can't "unsee."

Anyway hey, I can tolerate a little sexual deviance. I mean who hasn't looked at a sheep and contemplated the idea of those smooth, ebony-fuzzed legs rubbing furtively against their loins, that downy soft wool gently caressing their pelvic...

I digress. The point is that unless you're a big boring pussy like Conor Oberst, everyone tends to deviate, if only just a little. Maybe you like it a little rougher than most, maybe you want to be tied up; hey, it's common. Maybe you're really, really into people's feet. Well that's kinda creepy but still, I'd say it's all good right? So really, maybe I should just lay off people and their little fetishes. I mean some guys like their girls a bit thick, some guys like them red-headed, and some guys like them alone on the swingset while their daddy isn't around. Nothing wrong with that, right?

I might be back for more. But for now, let me leave you with one last postcard from our friends overseas:









Oh, and the guy on the right in that striped blue shirt? That's Chris Agner. No shit.